Small Desires

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a close relative of mine, Jenny (not her real name). Jenny has been struggling for most of her adult life to be independent from her parents. She has dealt with many years of drug addiction and two failed marriages. About six years ago she began to find her way onto a path that was leading her in the direction she wanted to go. She had a new boyfriend that treated her well and a job that paid her well. She was also back in school and was doing better to cover all of her bills without the help of her mother than ever before. One day however, she decided that he needed to buy a new car. Her finances would only allow her to buy a cheap used car but her mother stepped in and offered to buy her an almost new Honda S2000

Now receiving help when buying a car is nothing terrible, it can be necessary in many cases. However, when your goal is to be independent, having your mother buy you a very expensive sports car can’t exactly be called helpful. Being a car fanatic myself I get a call just about any time somebody in my family is looking to buy a car always wanting to know my opinion on their choices. Jenny was no different. Except that when she called she was crying almost hysterically. After calming her down she explained that she wanted the car very badly, but felt incredibly guilty at accepting such an extravagant gift. In the end, despite shedding copious amounts of tears, she decided she wanted the car more than she wanted independence.

From that fateful decision forward her life has been on a continual downward spiraling path. Soon after she cheated on, then left, her boyfriend of four and a half years for a string of abusive relationships. She has relapsed back into her addictions and most recently watched as her latest boyfriend died in front of her from an overdose of drugs she purchased for him.

So what does the purchase of a car have to do with the current changes her life has taken? It’s just a car right?

“Some will sell their dreams for small desires…”
This is the first line of the last verse to the song “Subdivisions” (1982, Rush, Signals).

Some might consider this trite, I prefer to think of it as proverbial. Either way, in Jenny’s case, this is exactly what happened. She desired that particular car so badly that she was willing to give up her dream of being independent in order to have it. In so doing, she began to give up on other dreams as well. Her conscience could only be quieted with drugs. And her desire to be appreciated in her new car led her to older wealthier men who treated her like an object to be used and abused. In the end she pawned the car for about half of its value and wasted the money on drugs. She is now entirely a financial ward of her mothers once again.

What does this have to do with creativity? Everything! Obstacles and distractions abound. Being a designer or an artist requires extreme focus. There are hordes of people and things that will play on your temptations and will only ask that you give up something tomorrow in order to have what you desire right now. Don’t be fooled, don't sell your dreams for small desires. Keep the long term focus close to your heart and while you enjoy your journey never lose sight of the goal, whatever it may be.